Medi IC Contact

[luckyescape]

	Are you coming tonight?
	You know I wouldn't miss it. Name the when and where. I need to hit up some stops before then.
	9:00 pm @ the grand ball room.
	What are you wearing?
	You have to wait and find out ;p

code by cawaii

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New Years Day: Day 277 AKA Waking up to hell

[luckyescape]

The night had been perfect. Her, Thorfinn and Slyvi had snuggled up to go to sleep beneath the shining stars. As Freya woke the world seemed subdued. It was as if the sun was less bright, the colors less vivid and the smells and sounds muted. She shook her head and pressed her palm to her eyes to push away the sleeping. Thinking it was the fuzzy vale of sleep.

Her movements were slow, not wanting to wake the other two and yet, she couldn't fight or rid herself of the strange feeling. She reached out towards the earth but felt nothing but dirt beneath her fingertips. Her heart jumped in her throat and she sat upright very suddenly. She wasn't paying attention to Thorfinn or Sylvi.

Freya looked at her hands and then reached, she reached for that instinct inside of her, the part of her that guided her, protected her. It was the wolf, a part of her soul that was wild and free. It was still there, she could feel it but she couldn't grasp it. The air bit at her skin and for the first time she felt cold.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." She tried to shift, not caring about her clothes or anything else but nothing happened. She stretched and felt herself reach but there was nothing. Her fingers dug into the sides of her head as she tried to recall the world as it was. The sights, the sounds and everything that she'd seen. It was all gone. She felt as if she was losing the use of her senses while the comforting guidance force she once had was gone. "What's happening." Freya was sitting up, her knees pulled to her chest with her face in her hand. She kept fighting, kept trying to feel but there was nothing but panic to greet her. She had completely forgot that Sylvi and Thorfinn were there, that was until they moved.

[victoryorvalhalla]

When she sat up quickly, Sylvi who was draped across both their chests, being bigger these days was jolted fully onto Thorfinn and her nails dug into him from where part of his shirt had ridde up. His eyes snapping open at the movement hands flying for his knives before the world caught up. It was just another morning for him, another nice one waking up beside her. Usually he wandered home in the early am so not to worry those at the Roadhouse. Seeing Freya's back he smiled letting go of the knife.

The night hadn't been a cruel dream. Then her canting words hit him, shit something was wrong. He pushed himself to sit up, all other needs of his body forgotten in that moment as his hands reached out for her shoulders. "What is wrong, Freya?" He asked quietly aiming to not spook her. "What happened?" He hoped it wasn't him being there, but he was a selfish pessimist.

[luckyescape]

Freya looked over at Thorfinn and for the first time he’d see terror in her eyes. It wasn’t just fear; it was a root that twisted around her heart and soul and refused to let her free. "I can’t feel it. Thorfinn." She felt like she’d choke on her words, even her voice sounded far away, distant, as if it belonged to someone else. "I can’t do anything. I can’t shift. I’m not…"

She felt her heart pounding in her chest and began to shake her head. "No, this can’t be happening." She wanted to push away from him but she didn’t feel as if she had the strength. Her limbs felt awkward when they moved and everything felt slower. She leaned against him, pressing her face to his chest. She wouldn’t cry, she was to shaken to do more but repeat herself.

"I can’t shift. It’s gone, it’s all gone." She couldn’t believe it.

[victoryorvalhalla]

That look in her eyes made his blood run cold, nothing good could really last. He knew that, life had taught him that but he was stubborn. Always had been. "Cant feel what?" he asked as she finished the words hitting him like a ton of bricks. Listening to her he wrapped his arms around her tight when she leaned on him.

Protectively the way one would when comforting a loved one.

"Are you sure?" He had to ask, worried he caused this. Were humans and wolves not meant to love? Well no but, he was stubborn and had given her his heart. He held her protectively, her chin on her head. "what can cause this?" he asked low worried for her, as Sylvi whined pressing her snout against her knee.

[luckyescape]

It took everything Freya had not to cry. While Thorfinn lay the blame on his own shoulders, Freya began to do the same. She'd wanted to be happy, tried to be and for one night, a few hours she was. Now it felt as if she was being punished. Was she not aloud to be happy? It wasn't fair. She'd never once turned her back on what she was and now it felt as if that part of herself was lost forever.

She shook her head, unsure what to say. She felt Sylvi next to her and while still clinging to Thorfinn, she reached out towards the young wolf. She didn't know how she smelled or what else might have changed but having Sylvi with them helped. She could still read what the wolf was saying, Freya's mind was still hers as well as her skills. She had only lost the ability to reach the half of herself that was a wolf.

"I keep trying. It isn't working." Her voice sounded tight and strained. "I think it's still there but it's so far away. I can't feel it or hear it. Thorfinn... I don't know what to do." Her toes dug into the grass and dirt and Freya felt the tension on her feet, her body ache as they sat unmoving. She wasn't used to any of this and she didn't understand. Why couldn't she just be happy? Why did the world have to keep taking things from her?

[victoryorvalhalla]

Thorfinn worried deeply for her, even the way that Sylvi whined for her. The pup could tell something was wrong but not what, she climbed up curling herself against Freya like the baby she is. Such a young tiny wolf, but she knew something was wrong, the smell off just enough to keep her from knowing just what was wrong.

"Take a breath." He spoke thinking more 'what would my father say?' The thought brought the words out. "Don't panic, just breath and try to feel." He spoke, the worry in his voice but his hold on her still firm. A hand moving up to craddle the back of her head.

[luckyescape]

Freya shook her head as if to say no. Somewhere, deep within her thoughts, there was a small voice begging her to listen to Throfinn. It was difficult to think straight; to understand what was going on. Everything was different and it was to much to get used to all at once.

She looked up at him as the firm presence of his hand held the back of her head. She looked lost when she met Thorfinn's gaze. "I can't... I can't feel." Freya inhaled an unsteady breath and for the first time since waking up that morning she smelled Thorfinn. It was the same scent she knew, duller than before but the same. She felt her thoughts calm enough to push down the panic though it continued to twist and writhe uncomfortable against her senses.

"I don't know what to do."

[victoryorvalhalla]

Thorfinn wanted to glare but he didn't allow himself to do so, he knew he would have been stubborn in her shoes as well. Being told to stop and think never did well when people said it to him. Worry was flooding him, he had never seen her so shaken even when she sobbed on him after his death she had not looked as broken up as she did now, didn't sound so hopeless and lost.

"Tell me how it feels, the differences. Maybe we can figure it out together."

He wasn't a magical being, but he was a heathen, in all meanings of the word. He believed in the world and magic all around him, in gods and sagas and glory and even more so, now he beveled in love and feeling the object of his love so shaken at his side made him feel useless.

[luckyescape]

Freya closed her eyes and tried to focus. That small voice was there, repeating Thorfinn's words. Don't panic, just breath and try to feel. ...try to feel. She swallowed and as she spoke she kept her eyes closed. "Everything is duller, quieter, it feels very far away. I don't know which way is north. I can't feel the earth or the wind or anything. It's all so far away." Her voice cracked and her head fell so that her chin was almost resting on her clavicle.

"It's so hard to describe. You know you're instincts when you're fighting. Something that tells you what's going on behind you or next to you and you don't always have to look? It's like that's gone. I can't feel it. If I were to walk into the woods now I think I'd get lost." Which Freya didn't do, she never got lost.

She finally opened her eyes and looked down at the tattoo that was printed on the inside of her forearm. "I never got lost. I always knew which way to go. How to feel close to the earth." Now she was near it but she couldn't feel it like before.

There was a good chance that Freya was exaggerating a little bit but she really didn't know what would happen now or what she should do. She pushed off of Thorfinn so that she was standing, her bright blonde hair falling messily behind her thin shoulders. "I don't feel as strong either." She wondered, if she stabbed herself, would she bleed.

[victoryorvalhalla]

His brown eyes stayed on her, listening to her taking it in, he hoped pushing his own worry for her away and remaining calm would help calm her a bit. His eyes never leaving her. "It sounds... and I know it may be scary, but it sounds like you are more human now." Could love turn a werewolf human?

"You just need to listen to the earth in a new way, Freya. This may be this world messing with you, its happened to me before. It rained here once not long after I arrived, everything I hold inside came out, I was a sobbing mess for days. I have no will to get out of bed after nearly killing someone." He explained softly. "Maybe this is whats happening, but, I can show you at least how I live. How I listen to the earth without being a wolf." He offered, worried it may just be that, the world messing with her.

"You don't have to be strong, you have me."

[luckyescape]

Freya could easily believe that this was what it felt like to be human.

She already came to the conclusion that she didn't like it. She usually didn't mind new experiences but she usually had a choice in the matter. This was outside of her control and it pissed her off. She was silent for a few minutes, wrestling with herself, balling her panic and uncertainty and pushing it away. That much she had practice with.

"I... I don't know how to be human." She really sucked at it. "Maybe." Freya felt a small smile tug at her lips, a smile that she hadn't even realized pierced her panic. Her eyes looked up at Thorfinn and when she spoke her voice sounded more like herself. "I have you." Except she wanted to protect him too and now she felt like she couldn't do that.

"Teach me. Not just about the earth but hunting and fighting." Her aim was still awful. "Please?" If she could stay with Thorfinn, listen to him, just enough to figure this out. Then maybe it'll be okay.

[victoryorvalhalla]

Thorfinn had never been anything but human so he didn't real any change besides the changes of his heart. The need to protect the woman he hoped to have kids with sooner or later. The woman he hoped in spring to see in a crown of flowers under the beautiful blooming trees ready to become his completely. For now those thoughts were unimportant, calming her was first and foremost.

"Give me a second to go piss, then we can work on helping you feel more at ease." He was still a teenage boy, and he had been asleep. He tried to ignore it, but he had to go. "I'll teach you everything I can, just give me a second." He was already untangling himself from her.

[luckyescape]

Freya didn't feel like she could be calm but she was decent at putting on a show of it. She exhaled and then nodded. "Yeah, I need to go too." This will be interesting.

"I go that way and you go that way." She pointed to different sides of where they were laying. She didn't really think going to the bathroom was any different but she wanted to be alone anyway. It'd give her a moment or two to think and figure this all out. She doubted there was an easy answer or that she'd figure anything out while peeing but she had to organize her thoughts and for the first time in her life she had to remember remember that she wasn't alone.

Freya stood pausing at Sylvi and pressing her head against the pup. She whispered softly to the young pup, "Sorry for worrying you." and then headed off to find a place to go to the bathroom. It was always easier to do as a wolf.

[victoryorvalhalla]

He nodded, pushing himself to his feet, shifting a bit so his back popped. "Yeah, I'll be back." He promised moving towards the brush, he wasn't sure it mattered. He only worried about using the bathroom in front of people since arriving here and getting snapped at for bathing in the ocean. The few times he's had to around her he's done as he was doing now, just walking into the brush.

It didn't take him long before he made his way back towards the camp, an arm over his head to pop his bad shoulder. Kneeling down near the edge of the cliff since he beat her back. Closing his eyes as he listened to the wind. It wasn't something he expected people to understand just his own strange way of connecting to the world around him. Listening to the world. Seeking advice from the long dead on how to help her. Sylvi padded over and headbutted his arm as he rubbed her ears. "It's okay little one, were going to be fine."

[luckyescape]

Freya stepped into the brush and exhaled. Going to the bathroom didn't take very long and when she was done she walked a few paces to think. She didn't have her shoes and she already felt her feet getting torn up by rocks and twigs littered across the ground. At the same time she didn't want to put something else between her and the earth. The wind felt colder though she didn't think her body temperature has changed. She was human but the changes weren't physical.

It was weird so she placed that train of thought to the side.

She didn't want Thorfinn to worry. She wasn't sure what was going on inside his head and she had little mental capacity left to think about it. She turned back towards their mini-camp and walked towards the edge of the cliff where Sylvi and Thorfinn sat. She wondered if this changed his opinion of her but she currently didn't have the courage to ask.

"Hey." Freya tried to smile but it was difficult. There were parts of her fighting with each other and it was confusing. It was as if a lot of happiness and a lot of sadness were butting heads with each other.

[victoryorvalhalla]

Thorfinn was still looking out at the forest below them, Ragnar's hall was closer in view than the boat in the distance. His mind wasn't on anything like leaving and taking his words back from the night before but vast into the future, a clan of little blonde children and wolves. A swell of pride growing in his chest.

That, that was what his father wanted. A family to fight for. maybe not to fight for but a family to have. In that moment he almost felt he could see Thors' smile from beyond. He would do right as best he could. Push everything he had aside to help her as best he could.

When she spoke he smiled softly looking into the distance, but not to her. "Sit down with me. Close your eyes and just feel the sun on your skin. I like to come up here, and to the mountains in Mundus to feel the sun and wind sometimes. It makes me feel more in tune to nature, to the world around me. Let me show you my beautiful terrible world, Freya."

[luckyescape]

Freya hesitated before moving to join Thorfinn. She sat on the opposite side from Sylvi with her legs dangling over the edge, she'd never been afraid of heights but her instincts had told her to stay away. Now she heard nothing and yet she knew logically that she'd die if she fell. It peeked her curiosity and she peered over the edge before leaning back and looking up at the morning sky. The sun was just beginning to rise and she could spot a fine layer of mist over the lake.

She didn't say anything, she really didn't want to be sad right now. She felt like she was supposed to be happy but at the same time everything felt wrong. "You make it sound easy." Freya's voice was soft as she slipped her eyes closed. Her hands were resting at her sides, she wasn't sure what to do with herself. Her chin tilted up as if to angle towards the sun and wind. She felt the wind brush against her skin, it was much calmer than what she was used to and the scent was subdued but for a change it was clean. She smelled the air in front of her and nothing else.

"It's warm."

[victoryorvalhalla]

Thorfinn's eyes opened, looking to her, he wished he wasn't so desperately gone for her, if he was still cold and calculated maybe he could help her more, or make her cry it out, but this place had wormed its way into him. Made him feel and open up.

He knew he wasn't the same bloodstained boy sitting outside of the hall with a busted arm hating everything. He was no longer drowning in a sea of blood.

"I used to hate everything." he spoke softly looking from her back to the sky. "I couldn't stand people bothering me, and yet I was always surrounded by people if I wasn't sitting in the sails or guarding the boats. I didn't know I needed people until a little girl grabbed my hand and tried to speak to me in a language I didn't understand, until a woman poured me a drink when no one else could and talked to me... and yet again when a woman kneeled to speak to the animal I had saved. I didn't know how to be a person until i came here... I'm still learning to." he reached up scratching at his hair. "What I mean to say is, this is hard for you I cant even imagine, but I'll be your strength, lean on me and I'll keep you up right. We'll walk through it together."

[luckyescape]

She looked peaceful with her eyes closed. Her face was relaxed while the the wind teased and played with thin strands of silver blond hair. He was right, it felt nice. It wasn't the same but it was a good different in a world of bad changes. Freya exhaled a slow breath and turned to look at Thorfinn after he spoke.

Her light gray eyes betrayed her true feelings. She was scared, upset, angry, confused, happy, hopeful and relieved. "Thank, Thorfinn." Freya felt a small smile tug at her lips as her hand moved to slip into his. "It sounds like you've met a lot of great woman. Told you I'd be more jealous." It was an attempt to think about something else for a moment, some good that could come from this.

"Would you kiss me again? Like this, I want to feel it." She wondered if that was alright. If he would be okay with that.

[victoryorvalhalla]

Thorfinn looked back to her watching her as Sylvi moved away. She never liked being that close to the edge. Her own little issues. Thorfinn however lived for his own kind of danger, watching her and her hair. Having spoke true from his heart he felt a little more open a little more worried that he would say the wrong thing and lose her.

When she spoke he smiled as he squeezed her hand, lacing their fingers together. "I have, Jo and Cassie mean a lot to me. But you, you are the one I choose to spend my days with. You need not be jealous of either, Cassie is six, and Jo is family."

But when she asked, he didn't even give an answer as dangerous as it was he leaned forward to push another strong kiss to her lips like the night before squeezing her hand at the same time to show he was still here for her.

[luckyescape]

Freya had a retort for everything but she found it lost as he leaned forward to kiss her. Just as before she met his force and while the feeling was changed, she also found it to be the same. Her pulse quickened and her body responded to his touched while his breath and scent twisted shivers down her spine. It made her forget all of her worry, everything except for him.

She nipped at his lower lip before pulling away with a small smile. "If you ever want to shut me up. I suggest doing that." She was teasing, teasing and joking were how Freya handled most things. She wouldn't be able to rationalize all of this, not for some time, but she would start the process of understand, of giving this a chance instead of hating it out right.

"So you'll like me, even if I was human? I'm sort of crappy at fighting back now. Not saying I won't win against you, just in general."

[victoryorvalhalla]

It was one of the reasons he loved talking to her, she always had something to say some answer to give that would make him stare or laugh. Who knew a simple push of lips could make the heart pound like it did, to make his body set ablaze and to feel a rush starting that made him have to remember they were literally sitting on a cliff face, one wrong move and either would fall to their death.

"That, will not be the only reason." He teased right back, in a little bit of better spirits. "What you are is not why I like you, why I want to spend our lives together. I like you, the person you are. The wolf, is just a bonus, it is cool and I wont deny that, but if your stuck like this forever, which I doubt I think this is the world fucking with you. Than we will walk that path together. Don't worry about what I think Freya, I gave you my heart I wont take that back from you. No matter what shape your in my affection and strength are yours to command and take."

[luckyescape]

"Not the only reason is good." She hoped that he enjoyed the act, at least a little bit.

Freya lightly kicked her feet as they dangled over the edge of the clif. It was a long ways down but she didn't think that either of them would fall, even sitting as they were and kissing. A soft huff of air exited her lips and she shook her head. "You make things sound so much easier than I think they are. I'm going to worry. I think worrying is a natural state for most females unless they don't care and I'm weirdly caring so." She lifted her shoulders in a short shrug, clearly not minding that she cared.

It was another really strange feeling; caring what someone thought. Freya never had before, she was never senselessly polite. She was just herself and while that person sometimes bent, she sometimes changed, she never tried to be more than she was. She clicked her tongue softly, listening to the sound echo in her head.

"I'm not really sure why you like me. I'm not anything great." Not as she was now, bisected by whatever the fuck this world was doing. She flexed her fingers and decided that it felt weird. She'd never felt uncomfortable in her own skin but she felt that now. Freya exhaled and closed her eyes again, trying to listen to the winds song, it felt so far away.

[victoryorvalhalla]

"Not the only reason." He reaffirmed for her. He looked over to her from where they were sitting, squeezing her hand again. He didn't know how he had gotten to this point in his life. When the rage started to wash away and this new mold was poured in. He was glad for it, the world was less doom and gloom but, still he wondered if the world messing with his head had had something to do with it. If Freya had been a gift from the gods to ease his mind. He didn't let the thought wonder far. "Just so you know, I am not the type that just kisses anyone, your the first." he didn't think cheek kisses in his childhood really counted.

"Things sound easy because I see no point in worrying, shit will happen and we'll figure it out when we get there. No point worrying before something happens. "While women may worry as a man its just my place to figure stuff out and protect my family. These are things I can do. If you trust me to it. I'm not the smartest man, but I wont even purposely let you down." He reached up with his other hand scratching at his hair some.

"I don't have an answer for that that makes sense besides what I have said. I like you, I want to spend my days and nights with you." He looked back out to the morning sky. "We'll figure it out."

[luckyescape]

Freya has had others kiss her, she didn't remember the last time that she'd kissed someone back. It was as far as she's ever been, she didn't see a point in pushing it further, not when she was just going to leave shortly after. "I've only ever kissed. I haven't done anything else." He already knew part of that already though it felt relevant to repeat. She didn't know anything pass kissing, other than what she's seen on TV and read in books.

"I think you're smarter than you give yourself credit for. Also, I do trust you. More than you know, more than I am comfortable with." It was a weird balance. "It's just hard to kill old habits. I've always been by myself. It's what I'm used too." It sounded less depressing not that she wasn't alone but it still wasn't a happy thought. It was hard for her to not think in those terms.

Freya flexed her hand again. "I want to spent my days and nights with you too." Though that might be more difficult than it sounds.

She kept hitting her heel against the rock face as they spoke. It was weirdly calming, until something sharp dug into Freya's heel at the wrong angle. She winced and pulled her foot up to see a small pool of crimson gathering around her heel. It wasn't a big cut but seeing that it wasn't healing was startling. Freya just stared at it, her fingers reaching towards the warm silky red fluid.